Things I H@!&

Hey there!  Remember me?

Stealing snuggles from my napless Cupcake.

Here's a blog post!  It's about things that I hate.

I bleeped the "H" word in the title because hate is not a word we generally use in our house, and although he doesn't read my posts, Rip Claw does often see the titles.  Hate falls into the same category as stupid, dumb, ugly, idiot, kill (only taboo in the context of people, not bugs), fart, and butt.  When Rip Claw was very small, I noticed that I was cringing every time I heard children use those words.  The dissonance between the young child's voice and the ugly words being said was unnerving, and I didn't like it.  (By the by, there are no pretty words to use in place of 'fart'.  We say 'stinker' or sometimes, 'boom boom', but I fully realize that those are also cringe-worthy.)  I'm not one who curses, generally.  See, I've become so used to being around my children, that even when I can't control the urge to use profanity, it comes out like, "FrickaflickinspintaGAHduffaflun."  I tend to agree with this blogger, Matt Gemmell,on the subject of profanity, in that sometimes, its use is just. plain. right.  Therefore, Thing I Hate #1 is that Rick Grimes said "screwing."

source

                                                           ***SPOILER ALERT***
So, we're to believe that the same guy who just ripped someone's throat out with his teeth after surviving unimaginable horrors like filth, starvation, dehydration, loss, fear, injuries, hallucinations, killing people, killing the same people again, infidelity, and the complete breakdown of the world as he knew it is not the kind of guy to say "fucking" when he and his friends are imprisoned by cannibals?  I hate that the rules regarding what can be broadcast on television are stupid.  I would wager an awful lot of money that every single person who watches The Walking Dead has heard the f-word on more than one occasion.  I would also wager that anyone who knows anything would agree that certain characters are more believable, in books, television, and movies, if they use profanity.  If people, even some who don't generally use those words themselves, are watching shows like this one, with so much violence, gore, drama, suspense, and mental anguish, they will not be offended by hearing the right word used for the situation.  Even if that word happens to carry a hefty penalty from the FCC.


I've been working as a substitute teacher for an entire 6 months, so I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to education.

Like Daddy Pig, I'm a bit of an expert at many things.

I bet you think that now I'm going to say that I hate Common Core State Standards.  I don't.  I'm actually rather rabidly in favor of the program, but that's a subject for another post.  In fact, I hate something about our education system that doesn't really have anything to do with me, personally, or my children, specifically.  Thing I Hate #2 is that para-professionals are paid less than $8.50/hour.  To be fair, they have the potential to earn almost $10.50/hour after earning a 2-year degree and working in the field for several years.  This fact literally makes me feel nauseous.

Many of the substitute jobs I have worked lately have been in classrooms with special needs children.  Some of the kids have Emotional/Behavioral Disorders, some have been diagnosed with disorders on the Autism spectrum, some have learning difficulties because of physical problems or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  All of the classes have one teacher, one or two paraprofessionals, and access via radio to a trained behavioral specialist.  In my relatively limited time working in these non-traditional classes, I have seen the para-professionals abused, both physically and verbally, I've seen them change the diapers of an elementary-aged child, I've seen them keep calm while being screamed at, while one child chews his shirt to shreds, another tries to run away, and a third and fourth are about to come to blows.  I've seen them teach the most difficult kids and reach them in ways that most people wouldn't think possible.  In short, the para-professionals have really difficult jobs.  They go far above and well beyond what is written in their job description.  And according to this Washington Post article, they make about $5 less per hour than they need to in order to pay rent for a 1-bedroom apartment.  If you aren't sickened by that, please let me know.

Remember when the majority of my blog posts were about running?

Me & Rip Claw finishing a Christmas Eve 5k last year.

Lately, I've written more funeral/obituary recaps than I've written race recaps, and this is largely due to Thing I Hate #3.  Leg pain from Topamax.  Well, probably from Topamax.  Possibly.  Whatever the cause, (I blame the Topamax, which I was taking to prevent migraine headaches for a little over a month.) I have leg pain.  It has caused me to have many more rest days over the past couple of months than I would like, and I can't seem to get rid of it.  Noticing gradual improvement = Good.  Running 1 day every couple of weeks = I'M GOING SCREWING CRAZY!


What do you hate?  Just one thing, for now.

The Running Dead

*Disclaimer*:  I am totally enthralled by the AMC show "The Walking Dead".  I wasn't really into zombies until I started watching it (there's no zombie life sticker on my car), so when I imagine the zombie apocalypse, it's all in terms of that TV show rather than some horror movies.  "Zombieland" is not a horror movie, per se, and is the other contributor to my imaginings of zombie life.

Let me set the scene for you.  No.  As Inigo Montoya would say, there is too much.  Let me sum up.  Just about everyone on Earth has died, and then come back to "life" with the sole purpose of eating you.  You've managed to survive so far by outrunning and outsmarting the former humans.

No substitutions.

As I was running by my lonesome one day several months ago (a memorable run, as I went 6 miles and had never before run more than 5), I came across the remains of a banana on the sidewalk.  No, I did not cartoonish-ly slip and fall on the peel.  I thought, "I should remember where that is in case of zombies.  If I were starving, I would totally eat it, and I bet there's still vitamins and nutrients in it."  During the remaining miles, I kept myself distracted and entertained by finding more and more things that would be useful I.C.O.Z.  That day, it became a Thing, and now I'm always on the lookout for such items.  The following are some of the useful things I've seen, that could probably be found on most sidewalks or streets.  You might just thank me for this list someday...

Food and Drink:

• A wrapped piece of candy- every carb and calorie would help
• Banana remains
• A full bottle of purified water (okay, so that one I actually dropped out of Baby's stroller when I hit a bump going too fast, but it still counts)
• Barely rotten oranges
• A few ounces of Gatorade 
• Slugs-yeah, actual slugs.  The way I figure, if I had a fire (and I would have to have a fire) I could cook and eat all manner of things.  Slugs would be super easy to catch, and are definitely not poisonous.
• A condom- hear me out- I heard on the radio yesterday that a condom will hold a liter of water.  The other survivors are probably not taking them off the store shelves during their looting sprees, so they could be very useful.  Granted, those that I've seen on the roads are not exactly...fresh, but still!

Weaponry:

• Broken pieces of cinder block
• Real estate signs- the kind that stick in the ground on metal stakes
• The pieces of an old desk, being discarded.  These could also be used for the all-important fire.
• Glass bottles
• Soda cans- once flattened, they're quite sharp
• A CD like this one, found a block away from my house yesterday, already nice and broken with a jagged edge.

Finally, DJ Kndeed's Reggaetown gets the recognition it deserves

Surviving the Elements:

• A dead armadillo- again, hear me out!  What could make a better hat than the hard, bony shell of an armadillo?  Sun protection, rain protection, maybe even zombie-bite protection?  Plus, the smell might confuse the zombies into thinking I was already dead.  
• The good half of a metal pail (who would throw out the bottom of a bucket???)
• Trash cans- I think I could live in one
• A knife- even the rusty butter knife I found would be better than nothing
• A lighter- duh.

Please, don't think that I've given you all my survival tips in this one blog post.  I've many more.  And no, my post-apocalyptic plans don't include being in my neighborhood, living in a trash can, surviving on my running and slug-eating.  But I could do it.  Oh, yes.

Found any useful garbage lately?

What do you think about, while running all alone?