Pointless Points

If you've been hanging around here for a while, or if you know me at all, you surely know that I'm an expert procrastinator, I don't freak out when my house looks less-than-perfect, and I love running.  So, here I sit, procrastinating housework while writing about running (and etc.)

• Running has seemed more like a chore than usual, lately.  I have some ideas why this is the case.

1. My dear sister/MIKR (most inspiring known runner) broke her foot.  It's not that I'm trying not to love running while she is unable to do anything involving foot use, but my heart hurts for her.  It's kinda like on every sitcom, ever, when the woman is in labor and the man who loves her has sympathy pains and ends up screaming along with her.  

24 hours post-break.  People who run 50+ miles per week get their toes cropped out of pictures.  You're welcome.

2. I have some non-sympathy pain of my own.  My *expletive* right *expletive* calf hurts something fierce--but only sometimes.  Usually, it's really bad when I start running, bearable after a mile or so, and eventually forgettable.  Sometimes, though, it hurts just to walk, or just to be a leg.  New "doctor" (she's actually an RNP but I don't like using that as a title) ordered an x-ray- inconclusive, a venous ultrasound- more on that in a moment, and an MRI- to be performed tomorrow.  My left ankle also hurts a lot, ever since I *expletive* fell backwards over the *expletive* concrete step on our *expletive* carport and knocked it.  I feel like such an old woman.  The Fall was almost 2 weeks ago, I don't have a bruise, yet every time I touch or move my left ankle, it hurts.  If you couldn't tell, pain makes me *expletive* angry.

3. It's hot.  I'm not complaining.  I would much rather deal with the sweltering heat for 9-10 months a year than snow and ice for any months, but it does make running outdoors much sweatier, stinkier, and slower.

• I've been doing many more non-running workouts than ever before.  Just look at all my figures!

Cycling, yoga, dancing (that's what I call the Classical Stretch workouts I do), swimming, weights, & walking.

Swimming is fun, but I'm still terrible, and terribly slow, at it.  Cycling is also fun, but I find myself unable to push myself.  I'm always riding at an easy pace, which gets boring after not very long.  I love yoga, and I love working out with weights, and I love the 1/2 hour stretching workouts that I DVR.  I've also been keeping up with a 30-day planking challenge, using the Plank-A-Lot app.  I'm up to 90 seconds!

• Every once in a while, I come up with something that I feel is quote-worthy.  Okay, so every once in a while, in this case, means twice.  Ever.  Here are the quotes that I wish others would use and attribute to me:
"The truth is the truth regardless of who believes it."
- Know-it-all-Miss, 1995


"It's not that I'm bad at keeping my house tidy, it's that I love the challenge of a well-designed obstacle course."
-Know-it-all-Mrs, 2014


• Did you know you can make a heating pad that works just as well as a store-bought electric one?  This is money-saving advice!  Unless you already own a heating pad, then you can skip to the next bullet. 

Step 1- Dampen a cloth (I use a hand towel) and fold it so that it fits inside a quart-sized ziploc bag.

Step 2- Keep the bag open and microwave for 1-1 1/2 minutes on high power.

Step 3- Remove the bag from the microwave with tongs, zip it closed, and wrap it in a dry hand towel.  

I wouldn't have expected a zipper plastic bag to retain heat so well, but it does.  It'll stay hot for at least an hour, or until you open the bag.

The instructions I read, though, say that you shouldn't use it for more than 20 minutes at a time because of the possibility of burning yourself.  Yeah, it's that hot!  And now that I've added that disclaimer, you can't sue me if you burn yourself on your homemade hot compress.

• Why is she using a homemade heating pad? you may be wondering.  Well, it just so happens that there is more evidence of my old-lady-hood in my legs.  Remember the venous ultrasound the "doctor" ordered?  They say I have "varicose vein thrombosis" in my right leg.  I was told by the nurse to use a warm compress and elevate my leg for 10 minutes every few hours, and to take an aspirin or other NSAID every day.  The problem is that the Omniscient Google doesn't agree.  OG seems to think that there is no such thing as varicose vein thrombosis.  There is deep vein thrombosis, which is a pretty serious condition, and there is superficial thrombophlebitis, which is not at all serious and not supposed to be painful.  But, it wouldn't be like me at all to argue with a health professional, so I'm going along with the recommended course of action.  For now.
• You know about that big scandal going on in the NBA right now, right?  It strikes me as odd that the last names of the two main guys being talked about are Sterling & Silver.  What do you think are the chances that I'm the only weirdo in America who has noticed that?
• I'm back on Facebook after my 40 day break.  I've learned that Facebook, for me, is like driving a vanful of my friends' kids around.   I love my friends, and I do want to help them out by driving their kids, but they're just. so. loud.  They talk about boring stuff, they're all talking over each other and trying to outdo one another with their stupid stunts, they're distracting and sometimes outright rude, and yet, I can't just ignore them.  So now, I've backed off a bit on my carpool driver responsibilities.  And I sure do appreciate the quiet when all the kids are finally dropped off (at the pool-heh heh heh).
• Rip Claw's first season of Flag Football ended last Saturday.  He is a talented, focused, and very driven player.  I think Charming and I are going to miss watching his games just as much as he is going to miss playing every weekend.  

I guess that's enough pointless drivel bullet points for now.  

Anybody want to place bets on whether or not my next MRI will reveal a stress fracture?

You got the Sterling/Silver thing, right?

Living The Life

Hm.  Haven't done an a.k.a. for a while!

Alternate post title: If I Had A Billion Dollars...

It has been hard to avoid hearing about the billion dollar bracket challenge that started recently, so I'll assume that you already know about it, or have clicked on the link I provided just there.  I entered, and lost almost immediately.  However, it is also hard to keep from thinking thoughts that start with, "but if I did win a billion dollars..." even now, that my chance of winning has been reduced from 1/920,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (That might be too many zeros.  It might be too few.  I know I'm tired of typing them, is all.) to zero.  Rip Claw knew about the challenge, and helped me make my picks.  The day after my bracket was submitted, I saw this article about Patriot's Quarterback Tom Brady and his wife, model Gisele Bundchen, putting their home on the market for $50 million.  Rip Claw has lately been thoroughly obsessed with football, so I called him over to look at the pictures with me of Tom Brady's house.  It is jaw-dropping.  Beautiful.  Magnificent.  Eco-friendly!  Enormous.  Palatial.  And, nauseating.  

I hope that's a secret passageway above all the shoes.  Otherwise, I don't want it.

I told Rip Claw that, sure, we could buy Tom Brady's house if we won the billion.  He understood, though, that we weren't going to win it, so he quickly informed Charming that it was time for him to start playing in the NFL.  I guess he thought that our telling him that Daddy didn't play tackle football because it was too dangerous meant that Daddy's fear was the only thing holding him back from an NFL career.  Awwww, right?

Later, once we had explained the statistical improbability of Charming going from his desk job in the communication industry, and taking his English degree to the gridiron to start making millions of dollars, Rip Claw asked me about other ways we could afford to buy Tom Brady's house.  

RC: "Well, what other jobs make a lot of money?"

Me: "Other than professional athletes?  People who make smart business decisions usually make a lot of money.  People who invent things, people who make things that almost everyone needs or uses every day, they have enough money to buy Tom Brady's house."

RC: "Ooh!  What can I invent that nobody else has thought of?"

Me: "Um.  If I knew that, I probably would have already invented it.  The point is to think of something that nobody else has thought of or been able to make before.  Like, the guy who started Facebook.  He has way more money than any football player."

RC: "Hm.  Are you sure that Dad won't play football?"

Me:  "Yup.  You know, Tom Brady's wife also has a lot of money.  Her job is to be a model."

RC: "What's a model?"

Me: "A model is someone who wears clothes for pictures or shows in order to make people want to buy the clothes."

RC: "What?!  So, she just gets paid to wear clothes?  How did she get to be a model?"

Me: "Models are usually very good looking.  They make people think that they'll also look good in the clothes they're modeling, so the companies that made the clothes get a lot of money from people buying their products."

RC: "Why don't you be a model?"

My first thought at this point in the conversation was to use the following visual aid:

Your mom, modeling her clothes. "Look how many shades of pink I can wear at once!"

Yeaaahhh.... That just ain't me.

Me: "You have to be really good looking to be a model.  They're pretty much all a lot taller than me, a lot skinnier, and they don't eat nearly so many chips as I do.  Plus, I never really wanted to be a model."

RC: "You're really pretty!  Sometimes you even smell pretty!"

Me, thinking: "Coincidence that the times I smell pretty I am wearing Victoria's Secret Halo perfume and Gisele is a Victoria's Secret model?"

Me: "Thanks, son!  But really.  I don't want to be a model."

RC: "Can boys be models?"

Me: "Oh, yeah.  There are lots of boy models.  You're definitely good looking enough to be one, too, but that's not really something Daddy and I want for you.  We like to focus more on your character and your actions and teaching you to be honest, kind, friendly, generous, and, you know, to make good choices."

RC: "Yeah.  You want me to do the right things and not worry about how I look."
Me: "Exactly!"
RC: "So, why do you think they're selling that house, anyway?"
Me: "It's hard to say.  Maybe they want a bigger house.  Maybe they want to live somewhere other than California.  Maybe they want a smaller house!"
RC: "OOH!  Like our house?  Do you think they want to trade houses with us?
Me: "It's possible.  About as likely as us winning the billion dollars

Why wouldn't they want to trade?  

Because of all the talk about becoming billionaires, I came to a few conclusions about riches.

• You know how they say money can't buy happiness?  I believe it.  Not to say that the Brady-Bundchens aren't happy because they have so much money, but I cannot imagine that they're happier than my family.  
• The next bullet point is going to sound like a lie.  It's not.
• ~$2 million would go toward buying a few nice houses in a few nice locations.  ~$1 million would go toward traveling, with the family.  We might have to do it all on land and sea, though, as Charming hates to fly.  I would hire a financial planner and make some investments.  Charming and I would play in the World Series of Poker.  Then, I would donate the rest to causes I feel are important.  

I think that the best part of having a lot of money would be the ability to give a lot of money away.  I would love to have a house with a spiral staircase and more than one bathroom, but I don't need 14,000 square feet, a crystal chandelier in my closet, or pictures of my home in Architectural Digest.  My favorite wine costs $10/bottle.  I mean, I'm sure there are better wines out there.  Otherwise, why would Sommelier be a job? But I just can't see myself suddenly finding a gaping hole in my life that only fine wine or expensive shoes or extra cars could fill.  You know where I do find myself lacking?  I'm lazy about housework.  I waste time on social media sites and on playing games I will never win (which you should totally start playing right now, by the by).  I certainly wouldn't become a better person by having the money to pay people to clean and organize my house(s).  I don't need extra time until I learn to discipline myself to use the free time I do have in wise ways.  If I could buy a migraine cure or the ability to never procrastinate, show up late, or snap at my kids, I might spend more millions.

The bottom line is that I really, truly can't see how anyone with gobs of money can possibly justify spending it on themselves.  Now, I do realize that my buying a couple million dollars worth of houses and spending so much on travel and poker qualifies as spending gobs on myself.  However, I feel I'm being realistic.  It would be thrilling to not ever have to worry about having enough money, to live comfortably, and to not worry about a job schedule, retirement, or my family's well-being.  I would love to be able to go with Charming and the kids to see different places and experience different cultures all around the world.

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow mindedness,

and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts..."

                                                    -Mark Twain

I also feel I'm being realistic about how much money I would share.  Enough to make a difference, that's for sure.  I'm not the smartest brick in the tower (or however the saying goes) but I can give money away to worthy causes like nobody's biz.  I have no desire to go to fancy parties with other rich people, I have fun friends already.  I couldn't care less about fashion designers or expensive clothing/shoes/accessories.  It's the poor people, the sick people, and the parents from my son's school who are unable to afford $50/year for their kids to join a running group that make my heart hurt.  Come to think of it, I got the same sick feeling from looking at all those scholarship applications as I did when I looked at the pictures of Gisele's closet.

For once, I'll let you solicit advice.  I shouldn't tell others what to do with their money...unless they ask.  Just remember this: "rich" is totally subjective.

What Else is New?

When I take these long breaks from blogging, I always feel the need to catch folks up on what is happening.  Probably, none of these items will come as a surprise, but here they are anyway!

• I'm reading a book about running.  I don't like it, but I can't seem to put it down, either.  I'm not sure that the author is telling truths about herself and her life, the beginning seemed to drag on forever, and there are way too many details about who she thinks people resemble.  Although I think some of her accomplishments are inspiring, I find myself too distracted by her rambling writing style and by rolling my eyes at some of her stories to actually feel inspired.

Dandelion Growing Wild

• I'm not running my first full marathon in a few weeks.  I finally decided to switch to the half after reading the advice given to Shut Up + Run blogger, Beth, by her coach, Andrew Kastor.  In more eloquent language, he basically said that training for a marathon is the hard part.  Running the marathon is the reward.  I remembered how true that was for me when I trained for my first 13.1 mile race, and I realized that I don't deserve the reward of completing a full marathon yet.  I haven't put in enough training time or hard work, and I feel like I would be cheating, in a way, by crossing that finish line without having properly prepared myself.  I don't want to run a marathon just to say I've done it.  I want to challenge myself, become a stronger runner, and I want to give it my very best.  Toeing the starting line sort-of injured, half-trained, lacking confidence and drive, and with the mantra "Slow down and walk" running through my head is not the way I want to be there.
• Rip Claw is amazing.  He ran his 3rd 5k race in a year, and set a PR by more than 10 minutes!  

34:39

The results board showed that he was in 3rd place, earning an age group medal.  However, once the official results came out, he ended up in 5th place.  Fast forward past the crushing disappointment, tears, anger, and shout of, "It's not FAIR!" and you'll find him proud and smiling again.  He asked if Charming and I would make something for him to replace the medal he thought he earned.  We agreed, and he said that he will "love it no matter what it is or how good it looks, because it's not something you buy, it's something you make special just for me."  After the race, we came home and relaxed for a while before going to his first ever Flag Football game.  He played magnificently.  He even scored a touchdown!

Charming and I have always agreed that tackle football is too dangerous for our kids to play.  I still believe that, but I must admit, I had a brief, "What if, maybe..." thought after watching him catch the long pass, dodge "tackles" and speed into the end zone.  I love watching football, and it didn't ever really occur to me that a Pee Wee league game could be more exciting than an NFL game.  I wanted more, more, and more.  It was awesome to watch, and he loved every moment of playing, too.

• Kids who go to day care tend to get sick more often than those who don't.  Cupcake started going to baby school 2 days a week in early February, in order to free up some extra days for me to pick up substitute teaching jobs.  She has been sick 3 times in the past 4 weeks, and only twice in the previous 22 months.  The good news?  I learned that the after-hours pediatric clinic nearby is actually a pretty decent facility.  Also, I learned what the rash that comes with hand, foot, and mouth disease looks like.

The first time she has fallen asleep on my lap in more than a year!

• I'm off Facebook for a while.  40 days, to be exact.  I don't do Lent, but our church asks the goers to do something similar every year around this time.  We're to make a few commitments, like attending services for 6 weeks, memorizing some verses, etc., and to sacrifice something that occupies our attention so that we have more time to spend cultivating our relationship with God.  As I told my friend earlier, it's going to be tough for me.  Not like 40 days of fasting alone in the wilderness before being betrayed and crucified tough, but still.  Mostly, I'm excited to break the habit I have of checking FB every time I pick up my phone, and keeping the tab open every time I'm on the laptop.  
• I have a horrible cough.  I keep reminding myself that it has been this bad before, and it always goes away eventually, but it's still awful in the meantime.  I think I used to get my yearly cough in the late Fall/early Winter months.  Some years, I had it more than once.  No matter when it comes to visit, I loathe it.  It's embarrassing, gross, painful, annoying, and unpredictable.  Here is how it sounds, in words:

UHK UHK UHK UHK UHK UHK

CAH CAH CAH CAH CAH CAH CAH

breath

BLECKAGH BLECKAGH BLECKAGH BLECKAGH

gasp

GRUCKECK! GRUCKECK! GRUCKECK!

ughaghKACH ughaghKACH

Repeat, repeat, repeat, sometimes for as long as 30 minutes. 

• I really enjoy doing volunteer work.  I've done several different types, too, so it isn't as if I just need to find a paying job doing the work I volunteer to do now.  Obviously, serving others and being helpful is rewarding in its own way, but I also like the freedom that not getting paid offers.  I can refuse to do things, if I want to, or leave early if I must.  If you have any free time, try it out.  Volunteer at a local race, or help feed hungry people.  I bet you'll be happy you did!

So.  What's new with you?

Connect The Dots

The dots, in this case, are the random bits of information to follow.  Yes, I could have written several mini posts, but I think you know by now that I will almost always choose long-winded over short.

• For the second year in a row, my team made the playoffs in our Keeper($) Fantasy Football League.  Although my dependence on the Tom Brady/Rob Gronkowski combo seemed like it was going to destroy me earlier in the season (thanks a load for those 9 points in week 7, Touchdown Tommy), they pulled together when the time came and got me the wins I desperately needed.  This team is the one (of three) with which I most concern myself.  I'm doing terribly in the Free Family League, and I need many things to fall into place in order to secure a playoff spot in the winner-take-all League of Mostly Couples.  Unfortunately, my brother-in-law needs to beat his brother this week to push me ahead in the standings in that league, and, well, that might take a Thanksgiving miracle.

BIL's appropriate team pic

• Cupcake (formerly known as Baby) is thoroughly obsessed with The Fox song.  She prefers the live on Jimmy Fallon's show version to the original, because she likes pointing at the horse with the Ylvis guys.  She asks to watch it multiple times each hour day, sings along ("pa pa pow"), and dances.  It's pretty stinkin' cute.
• Rip Claw (formerly known as 6 y.o.) earned his Bobcat rank in Cub Scouts.  I got to paint his cute little face during the presentation ceremony at the pack meeting.  Charming (formerly known as Husband, because he's like my Prince and my Jax Teller all in one charming package) and I are pretty new to the whole scouting deal, and still a little hesitant.  We like the values they teach, and Rip Claw enjoys the activities a lot.  We're not entirely sure, though, that we're getting our money's worth.  It seems like a lot of expense, time, and effort are going in to securing tangible recognition that he's learned things we have taught him since he was born.  The leaders talk a lot about scouting being a family oriented program, but it is really difficult for us to participate in many of the events as a family, and I feel like we're ostracized if we complete assignments or activities just as a family, without the den.  Oh, and then there's the lightly blanketed racism that seems to pervade everything scouting-related...but that's a subject for a different post.  And they also seem prejudiced against those of us who don't sew or iron.

First time in uniform a couple months ago.

• I'm running again!  I've been slowly building my weekly mileage up, and including lots of walking each time I hit the road.  I also was treated to a therapeutic massage recently, which helped with the lingering soft tissue pain around my healed stress fracture.  I already shared some of the lessons I learned from my injury, but I feel like I'm also applying even more intelligence and thought to my running regimen than ever before.  I'm keeping track of how much water I drink, and meeting my goal of at least 100 oz/day.  I'm strength training, with concentration on my core, hips, and quads.  I've been practicing yoga.  Perhaps my favorite change, though, has been the addition of these dynamic stretching workouts after running.  

Miranda Esmonde-White doesn't know it, but I love her.  She makes me want to hug my television.

• I tweet!  Follow me, if you please.  I am @Rhi_Tweeter.
• My Alma Mater has an Ah-Mah-Zing football team this year.  U! C! F!  Whooooo!
• Nightmares have been going around at our house.  A couple of nights ago, Rip Claw slept  in our bed after a bad dream, which has never happened before.  Last night, I had a terrifying dream about the Governor from The Walking Dead wherein he was tearing the heads off of people (not zombies) with a hook, and hunting down me and the other members of my group.

• I'm currently reading 3 books.  1 for regular book club:

Turns out, rock star stereotypes are sometimes quite accurate.

         1 for mini book club:

Page 1, I decided to hike the Appalachian Trail.  Then, changed my mind somewhere around page 1 1/2.

         1 to satisfy my inner sci-fi geek:

Better than the first (so far) and the "There Goes The Galaxy" was pretty grand.

• Let's see...is there anything else important that I should share?  Hmm.  Oh!  Yeah.  I registered for my second first marathon.  Did anyone else just stop breathing for a second?  No?  Just me, then.  If two marathons could be complete opposites, my first first and my second first are such.  This one is in its inaugural year, local, without rock bands (although I think it would be great if they hired some local bands to provide music along the lovely course) and without several thousand of the participants that ran in Savannah.  It's going to be great.  It's going to be great.  It's going to be great.  

It's going to be great.

       Perhaps my chant should instead be: "I will not get injured.  I will not get injured.  I will not get injured."

I know I haven't offered much advice in this post, but please feel free to comment with any questions you have about my areas of expertise, like barely making fantasy football playoffs, running hesitantly, sleeping on the couch or not at all after scary dreams, and... um... reading!  Oh, and if you need to know every single lyric of The Fox song, I can help.