Things I H@!&

Hey there!  Remember me?

Stealing snuggles from my napless Cupcake.

Here's a blog post!  It's about things that I hate.

I bleeped the "H" word in the title because hate is not a word we generally use in our house, and although he doesn't read my posts, Rip Claw does often see the titles.  Hate falls into the same category as stupid, dumb, ugly, idiot, kill (only taboo in the context of people, not bugs), fart, and butt.  When Rip Claw was very small, I noticed that I was cringing every time I heard children use those words.  The dissonance between the young child's voice and the ugly words being said was unnerving, and I didn't like it.  (By the by, there are no pretty words to use in place of 'fart'.  We say 'stinker' or sometimes, 'boom boom', but I fully realize that those are also cringe-worthy.)  I'm not one who curses, generally.  See, I've become so used to being around my children, that even when I can't control the urge to use profanity, it comes out like, "FrickaflickinspintaGAHduffaflun."  I tend to agree with this blogger, Matt Gemmell,on the subject of profanity, in that sometimes, its use is just. plain. right.  Therefore, Thing I Hate #1 is that Rick Grimes said "screwing."

source

                                                           ***SPOILER ALERT***
So, we're to believe that the same guy who just ripped someone's throat out with his teeth after surviving unimaginable horrors like filth, starvation, dehydration, loss, fear, injuries, hallucinations, killing people, killing the same people again, infidelity, and the complete breakdown of the world as he knew it is not the kind of guy to say "fucking" when he and his friends are imprisoned by cannibals?  I hate that the rules regarding what can be broadcast on television are stupid.  I would wager an awful lot of money that every single person who watches The Walking Dead has heard the f-word on more than one occasion.  I would also wager that anyone who knows anything would agree that certain characters are more believable, in books, television, and movies, if they use profanity.  If people, even some who don't generally use those words themselves, are watching shows like this one, with so much violence, gore, drama, suspense, and mental anguish, they will not be offended by hearing the right word used for the situation.  Even if that word happens to carry a hefty penalty from the FCC.


I've been working as a substitute teacher for an entire 6 months, so I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to education.

Like Daddy Pig, I'm a bit of an expert at many things.

I bet you think that now I'm going to say that I hate Common Core State Standards.  I don't.  I'm actually rather rabidly in favor of the program, but that's a subject for another post.  In fact, I hate something about our education system that doesn't really have anything to do with me, personally, or my children, specifically.  Thing I Hate #2 is that para-professionals are paid less than $8.50/hour.  To be fair, they have the potential to earn almost $10.50/hour after earning a 2-year degree and working in the field for several years.  This fact literally makes me feel nauseous.

Many of the substitute jobs I have worked lately have been in classrooms with special needs children.  Some of the kids have Emotional/Behavioral Disorders, some have been diagnosed with disorders on the Autism spectrum, some have learning difficulties because of physical problems or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  All of the classes have one teacher, one or two paraprofessionals, and access via radio to a trained behavioral specialist.  In my relatively limited time working in these non-traditional classes, I have seen the para-professionals abused, both physically and verbally, I've seen them change the diapers of an elementary-aged child, I've seen them keep calm while being screamed at, while one child chews his shirt to shreds, another tries to run away, and a third and fourth are about to come to blows.  I've seen them teach the most difficult kids and reach them in ways that most people wouldn't think possible.  In short, the para-professionals have really difficult jobs.  They go far above and well beyond what is written in their job description.  And according to this Washington Post article, they make about $5 less per hour than they need to in order to pay rent for a 1-bedroom apartment.  If you aren't sickened by that, please let me know.

Remember when the majority of my blog posts were about running?

Me & Rip Claw finishing a Christmas Eve 5k last year.

Lately, I've written more funeral/obituary recaps than I've written race recaps, and this is largely due to Thing I Hate #3.  Leg pain from Topamax.  Well, probably from Topamax.  Possibly.  Whatever the cause, (I blame the Topamax, which I was taking to prevent migraine headaches for a little over a month.) I have leg pain.  It has caused me to have many more rest days over the past couple of months than I would like, and I can't seem to get rid of it.  Noticing gradual improvement = Good.  Running 1 day every couple of weeks = I'M GOING SCREWING CRAZY!


What do you hate?  Just one thing, for now.

Holiday Overhaul

While you may know that I'm a big fan of holidays and celebrating, you may not know that certain holidays annoy me.  Or maybe I'm a grouch, too easily annoyed.  The thing is, I just don't like doing the same things everyone is supposed to do on specific days because some people decided a long time ago that we should all choose a day to do those things.  That last sentence is one of those that only makes sense in my head, isn't it?  What I mean is, I kinda hate conforming.  I don't like making resolutions on January 1st.  I don't like sharing the things for which I'm thankful on the last Thursday in November.  I don't like remembering fallen service members only on a Monday in May and November.  And I really don't like declaring my love for Charming on February 14th.  I've got a plan, though, to fix everything.  Okay, maybe not everything, but at least I can fix the "banks are closed, let's have a Bar-B-Q, drink, and send generic text messages to everyone in our phones all day" problem.

NEW YEAR'S DAY should be NEW DAY.  The first day of a new year is no more monumental than waking up to a new day.  Yeah, I get the whole thing about fresh calendar pages and having a starting point for your resolutions, but really, all that is just fluff.  If you really, truly want to change something in your life, you should do it right now.  Wednesday.  Saturday afternoon.  This very minute.  If you're always waiting for the right time to start exercising, stop eating junk food, quit smoking, keep in touch with friends, study your devotional, or get organized, you're really just doing one thing: procrastinating.  If you must, mark the day with stickers on your calendar, noisemakers, and fanfare.  The important thing is to realize that there's nothing about January 1st that makes you more resolute.  Resolve now, and do it now.

I saw this on Facebook, it's supposed to start June 1.  I will not wait until then. You shouldn't either.

VALENTINE'S DAY should be ABOLISHED.  Let's be serious.  I cannot think of a single February 14th in the life of anyone I know that was actually important to their relationship.  (Although, there was that one time I opened a gift from a boyfriend on Valentine's Day and found a diamond ring.  When my first words were, "This isn't an engagement ring, is it?" he replied, "Well, it isn't now!" I guess that could have been an important day.  But really, my response would have been the same any day of the year.)  If you love someone, they should know it.  If they don't love you back, paying for something "romantic" on a specific day of the year isn't going to change their heart.  Flowers die.  Chocolates get eaten.  Teddy bears are useless.  What's the worse that will happen?  Kids'll learn to cut heart shapes out of construction paper a bit later in life?  Couples will show their love for each other with gestures or gifts that are thoughtful, and on their own timeline?  We'll say goodbye to the glorious tradition of sending our kids to school with a shoe box with a slit cut in the top for all the cheaply made, generic message cards paid for by the parents and the ungodly amount of red-dyed candy?  I'm okay with that.  Plus, I'm sure we can find other uses for all the glitter and paper doilies we'll be saving.

I glitterally just gagged.

APRIL FOOL'S DAY should be APRIL FOOL'S MONTH.  A day just isn't enough.  The jokes are expected, now, and that takes the fun out of it.  I'm not the biggest fan of pranks, but that's only because so many people make them dangerous or mean.  I love a good, clean, "gotcha!"

MEMORIAL DAY should be THANKS & GIVING DAY.  For hundreds of years, men and women have sacrificed their lives for American liberty, to give us rich opportunities, a sense of justice, and the beautiful land on which we've built our lives.  Instead of celebrating our freedom with free time, parties, drinks, parades, and sand castles, I vote that we thank and give back to the families of our military service members.  On Memorial Day, I do see a lot of Facebook status updates showing appreciation to those who have served, but I wish the people who have sacrificed so much for us would receive a more tangible giving of thanks.  Imagine how wonderful it would be if we gave the money we spent on red, white, and blue decorations, food, parades, and party favors to the widows, widowers, and children of those who have lost their lives in military service!  If nothing else, we should all spend the day solemnly contemplating the cost of our freedom.

I didn't have a picture lined up for this section, but my search for thanksgiving + american flag images turned up some results that were...interesting.

I think you get the idea.

INDEPENDENCE DAY should be INDEPENDENCE DAY, except with more of a concentration on history.  As adults, we aren't usually required to remember dates and facts and important people from hundreds of years ago, but that doesn't mean the events and people are less historically significant.  We should remember, not for a U.S. History test or grade, but because the things that happened all those years ago made our country, and essentially, us, what and who we are.  Take some time next 4th of July to appreciate the fact that our temperatures come in Farenheit, and we aren't required to worship a Royal family or forced to drink tea, use the metric system, or call fries "chips."

LABOR DAY should be NAP DAY.  Is there anything else anyone wants to do to celebrate?  We should also use the sense of community developed in the working class on this holiday to petition as a group for siestas every afternoon.  We'll have to call our nap sessions something else, though, like Tea Time or Smart Zees.

COLUMBUS DAY should be FLORIDA DAY.  Florida is awesome, and totally under appreciated.  Plus, we're probably just a few sinkholes away from being  East Hawaii, all broken up into small islands, so there might not be much time for the rest of the country to show us how much they love our warm climate, wet air, giant cartoon mice, and oranges.  By the by, I do realize that Columbus didn't land in Florida.  The people that did, though, none of them have a Day.  I'm sticking with my decision.

VETERAN'S DAY should be JUST FOR VETERANS & THEIR FAMILIES.  The rest of us really need another holiday?  No.  Veterans and their families should be the only people off from work, buying things on sale, and partying.

THANKSGIVING DAY should be EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Seriously.  One day is not even close to enough time to count our blessings.  If you're reading this, which I know you are, you should be grateful for your computer, tablet, smartphone, or good friend who has one of those things.  You should be grateful that you know how to read.  You can be thankful that I give such excellent advice.  You can appreciate the fact that you're alive now, when there is electricity and internet and microbrewed beer and blogs on every subject and that you aren't currently at the bottom of a sinkhole.

BLACK FRIDAY should be MELANCHOLY MONDAY and should be switched to the day after the Super Bowl.  The Black Friday sale papers are lies, the lines for shopping are sickening, and within 5 years, Amazon's drones will be delivering everything, anyway.  Football fans, however, need a day to recover from their sadness that the season is really over and to get rid of the vast amounts of wings and chips they consumed during the big game.

All the December holidays can stay as they are, at least for now.  People do need to stop complaining about Christmas becoming too commercialized, though.  I'm quite certain there isn't anyone alive that truly remembers celebrating an un-commercialized Christmas.  If folks don't want the true meaning of Christmas spoiled by materialism, they need to stop buying anything but absolute necessities starting in July.  Yes, July.  Have you not been to Walmart?

Ouch.

Let's change our calendars, shall we?


Favorite holiday?

Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice

Do you ever wonder why nursery rhymes are practically eternal?  I do.  I ponder things like this a lot, actually.  I'm almost always in the thinking box shower, and I'll start thinking about "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" or whatever, and begin analyzing it like I'm going to have to write a report.
Who is saying 'baa baa'?  Is it the sheep?  Or is the sheep saying 'yes sir, yes sir'?  Is the sheep's name BaaBaa?  Maybe shepherds used to baa at their sheep to get them to give them wool.  I always thought black sheep were bad.  Maybe black sheep got a bad reputation because they never gave enough wool.  Are there even black sheep?  Well, there are albino humans, and albino rats, and albino dolphins, so maybe black sheep are like that.  Or maybe black sheep are dirty.  I wonder who wrote this rhyme.  Probably nobody did.  Probably someone said it to their daughter, and then she changed it a little to repeat to her kids, and it got changed over and over until someone wrote it down the way that their mom taught it to them, like the way my mom's Pat-a-cake version is different from the others, and then they got credit for it.  Is there a lesson in every nursery rhyme?  Like, even if you're dirty and rejected by your flock, you can still be a productive member of society?  Who is this 'little boy who lives down the lane' anyway?  Was the black sheep being charitable? 

But that's not what this is about.  This is about little girls, and society, and how disturbing it is that sex appeal is a marketing tool for selling things to children.

Oddly enough, it was an article in Allure magazine from October 2013 that made me-- you're not going to believe this-- think.  It was the only magazine in the exam room when I went for a check-up at the doctor a few weeks ago.  I usually wouldn't pick up a magazine like that, because all the beauty and celebrity worship is annoying, but you know how it is when you're waiting in a tiny, cold room without your Kindle.

The article was written by a mom, about dressing her 7 y.o. daughter for school.  The mom had painstakingly selected the daughter's wardrobe for all 7 years of her life, until one day, the daughter asked to choose her own clothes.  Dunh dunh dunh!  The mom was sleepless with anxiety over what her kid might decide to wear to school, and had discussions with her child about the importance of a sense of style and blah blah blah blarf blarf.  Spoiler alert!  The kid had good taste in clothes, and all was well down in Allure Author Alley.  I told Charming about the article that evening, and he readily shared my annoyance. My point was simple:  I've gone my entire life without a sense of style, and I turned out just fine.  I have never lost sleep over clothes!  The thought of placing so much value in material things (har har) is just mind-blowing to me.

There is a 'but' to this story, though.  The article's author talked a lot about how clothes for girls are so very much the same: Pink.  Purple.  Sparkly.  Princess-y.  It was important to her that her daughter find her own individuality, and not buy/wear just the things that every other little girl wears.  She chose to demonstrate the importance of individuality by taking her daughter to a vintage jewelry store and letting her select a brooch within her $13 budget.  I chose to lecture my 2 y.o. under my breath in Toys 'R' Us.  "No princesses.  You don't want to be a princess.  Smart is better than pretty, anyway.  Does this toy even teach you anything?  No.  It just sings about bows.  You know, in real life, not all princesses are pretty and sweet."  When it comes to clothing and toys designed for and marketed to girls, there are two adjectives that come immediately to mind:  Pink.  Alike.

You may have heard the stories about young girls recently protesting to big companies about gender stereotypes.  There's the teenager who convinced McDonald's to stop offering "girl" or "boy" toys, and the 7 y.o. who wrote to Lego about how lame the girl toys are.  I'm no activist.  I'm not even sure I know how to contact my Congressmanorwoman.  I can't say I don't care about women's rights or gender equality, because I do care.  I just never really considered doing anything about the problems until having a daughter of my own.

When 2-yr-old Cupcake looks at pictures like this, of her 8-day-old self, she squeals and says, "Aw!  Baby!  Cute!  Hugs!" and then tries desperately to hug the picture/computer screen/photo book.

For a couple of years, Rip Claw's favorite color was pink.  Not surprisingly, other kids eventually started questioning his choice.  When he asked me whether it was okay for boys to like pink, I said, "Of course it is.  Colors are colors.  They aren't for just boys or girls."  Eventually, pink moved down his list of favorites to second, then third, and now it's pretty far down the list, but I think it was a natural progression of changing preferences rather than peer pressure making him move green up and pink down.  Cupcake loves babies, and bunnies, and butterflies, and Minnie Mouse.  She also loves playing with Rip Claw's cars, putting stickers everywhere she can think of, throwing and catching any ball or object which looks like it may or may not be a ball, fweeping, fwimming, and fwinging (sweeping, swimming, and swinging).  "Look, Mommy!  Fwings!  I'll try it!"  She is particular about her clothes, and has been since before she turned one.  She likes when I fix her hair "pretty" so she 1. doesn't have her bangs in her eyes, 2. can "Show Daddy see mirror?" and 3. might get to see the "Picture?  See girl picture?"  She loves to sing, but her favorite song is not about bows, it's "Happy Birthday" with "Driving my Car" (her version pictured below) coming in a close second.

Don't ask me for the link to the song she's singing.  You'll be sorry if you do.

My point, which might be muddled by all the cute pictures and anecdotes, is simple.  I'm really sick of feeling forced to like/buy specific things for my girl and my boy.  I want options, and I want my kids to know that they have options.  Rip Claw doesn't have to look for toys in the "boy" section, and Cupcake shouldn't have to look just in the "girl" section.  Which brings me to another point, that "girl" stuff is. so. awful.  I mean, it's awful from a logical, realistic perspective, obviously.  It's cute stuff.  I remember loving the sound of dress-up plastic high-heeled princess shoes on the terrazzo floors of my childhood home, and I'm sure Cupcake would love it, too.  But why do we as a society think that we can tell our girls all their lives that they can be a Cheerleader- Popular! or a Princess- Pretty! or a Mom/Cleaning Lady- Look at how well this pooping, crying doll prepares you for real life!  Have a pink, practice vacuum cleaner! and then expect them to do well in science and math and go on to solve the world's problems?

I'm not the type to go looking for scapegoats, or to yell and shake my fist about Society!!! and expect things to change.  But give this a think, please.  Airplanes and cars are "boy" toys.  Only ~ 5% of pilots are females, and we all know how terrible I am women are at driving.  Female drivers are involved in over 68% of crashes and only, like 4 of those involved yours truly.  Boys are encouraged to build, perform experiments, save helpless girls, and fight for any or no reason with or without weapons.  Girls are encouraged to wear pink, look cute, get a boy, and rock out while wearing various hairpieces and tiny clothes.  Girls' creative toys are used to make jewelry or make-up.  Boys' creative toys are used to make other, useful, fun toys.  I can't be the only one who thinks this is a big problem.

Oh, and remember up there where I said this post was about sex appeal being used as a marketing tool?  Yeah.  Check out these then and now pictures of Strawberry Shortcake.

That isn't even the worst of it!  Have you seen these impossibly beautiful, completely unrealistically thin, large-breasted dolls that our girls are supposed to be able to dress for every situation?  I think they're called Barbara...no Barbie dolls.  What is this world coming to?

It's been happening for many years.  It's getting worse.  If we want anything to change, then we have to start doing things differently.  Don't buy anything pink or blue, ever.  Okay, maybe that's a bit too extreme.  If your son loves cars and construction trucks and making volcanoes, great!  But if he wants to make rubber band jewelry, play house in the kiddie kitchen, read Beverly Cleary's books about Ramona and Beezus, and watch "Cinderella," please support him in the same way.  There's nothing wrong with looking pretty, and there's nothing wrong with wanting your daughter to look pretty.  There is a problem when pretty trumps all, or anything else.  It isn't my place to tell you what toys or clothes to buy for your kids, but I would ask that you be aware of the advertisements, especially when they send the clear message that looks/sex appeal are so important, and why you're buying what you buy.  I, for one, don't want my daughter to dream of being a princess in a shining castle.  I want her to dream of ways she can change the world, and I want her to know that she doesn't need a Ken or a Kristoff (I'm telling you, I've been watching a lot of "Frozen" lately) or a unique fashion sense in order to fulfill her potential.  Girls can be rock stars without getting naked in public (seriously, Taylor Momsen) and girls can be pilots, architects, or builders while remaining sugary and nice.

If you decide not to buy a particular product because it reinforces restrictive gender stereotypes or is marketed in a way that you think is inappropriate, I hope you'll consider letting the manufacturer know why you chose to spend your money elsewhere.  With Twitter and Facebook, it's really easy to make your voice heard.  Plus, you can almost always find an email address on a company's website.  Send a short message saying, "I thought you should know that I decided not to buy xxxx for my daughter because I disagree with the limiting gender stereotype this product promotes.  I would like to see more products from your company that can be enjoyed by, and are marketed to, all children."  Or whatever.



What was your favorite childhood toy?

If I make up a nursery rhyme, can I count on you to repeat it to your kids and grandkids until it goes on until the end of time?

10 Things I Hate About Me

If you're on Facebook, you've certainly seen the new thing going around.  Someone shares, "My number is __" and proceeds to write a corresponding number of things about him/herself that other friends might not know.  This is actually one of the least annoying memes (I hope I'm using that term right!) I've seen going around.  I've gotten a glimpse into the inner workings of many of my friends, which I always enjoy.  I have to say, though, my favorite was one posted today by my hilarious friend, Amy:

3 Things...

1. I'm just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.

2. I took the midnight train going anywhere.

3. Don't stop believing, and always hold on to that feeling.

4. Did I do this right?

The other day, I was debating whether or not I should "like" one of these posts in order to get myself a number.  I started listing in my head all the things I would share, and somehow, my thought process went to the movie, "10 Things I Hate About You" (wherein I thought Heath Ledger was awesome before all the other people thought he was awesome), and I thought that sort of list might be funny.  Then, I realized what a mean-spirited thing that was to think; how awful it would be for people to list things they hate about each other.  Then, I came up with this list, of 10 things I hate about me.  Stay tuned at the end of this post for the opposite-of-mean-spirited idea I eventually came up with.  You'll like it, I feel sure.

10 Things I Hate About Me

1. PORES.  They're big, they get clogged, and I hate the way they look.  I sometimes find myself staring really creepily at people with nice, smooth skin and invisible pores.  If you have been the victim of such a stare, I'm sorry for acting like a perv.

2. MEMORY.  It's just not what it used to be.  Sometimes, I blame my children, sometimes I blame my migraines.  Whatever the reason, I simply cannot remember things the way I used to.  At least 2-3 times each month, I forget how to shower.  I don't forget to shower (usually), I forget what I've already washed.  I shave one leg and not the other.  I find myself with a handful of conditioner and conditioner already on my hair.  It's frustrating, and let's face it, completely impractical.

3. EASILY ANNOYED. I rarely get really, truly, spitting mad.  I often get annoyed, and it is often by petty, silly things that don't have any bearing on my life.

  

I wish that obnoxious bumper stickers, apostrophe misuses, ridiculous advertisements, and people saying, "all of the sudden," "I gave it 1000%" and "conversate" did not make my brain start to itch.  

4. EASILY DISTRACTED.  This ties in with my vast procrastination skills, I think.  I get off task easily, and I always seem to be able to distract myself with silly, unnecessary things to avoid doing important, unpleasant tasks.

5. UNTANABLE.  I've lived in Florida my entire life, and I have never had a good tan.  Of course, I'm wise enough to use sunscreen, these days, but I didn't have a tan before I knew better, either.  I also have a 2-yr-old bottle of Jergens self-tanning lotion that I can't seem to remember to use consistently enough to see any result except orange elbows.  For those of you with dark, smooth skin, I apologize again for my open-mouth stares.  

6. PICTIONARY FAILURE.  I am probably the worst artist I've ever seen.  Almost everything I draw ends up looking like a rabbit, and not even a real, recognizable rabbit.  It's especially frustrating to be so terrible at drawing since I have a pretty creative mind.  I can see things drawn well in my mind, but you would think I was bypassing my hands and putting the drawing utensils in between my toes and closing my eyes.

7. I CAN'T DECIDE.  Ever.  I can come up with options, but I hate making decisions.  I guess this isn't the worst fault.  I believe my inability to make decisions comes from my strong desire to please everyone.  Also, it's probably genetic.  There's nothing our husbands love more than when my mom, sister and I try to plan things.  

8. SLUG.  Other than when I'm running, I'm a total slug.  I often wish I was one of those people who can't stand to sit still.  Instead, I'm driving around the grocery store parking lot looking for the closest spot, asking Rip Claw (formerly known here as 6 y.o.) to bring me my phone, a water, the remote, a diaper (not for me!), and lying on the couch watching television, facebooking, or listening to music all evening.

9. GRAMMAR BLOCKS. I read a lot, and good grammar is something that is important to me.  I don't know why, but no matter how many times I read the rules, and no matter how cleverly the rules are stated, I almost never feel confident that I'm using affect or effect correctly.  Same goes for further/farther.  With affect/effect, I usually just choose a different word altogether.  When I want to use further or farther, I simply try both, decide which sounds better in the sentence, and hope nobody calls me out on my error.

10. HAIR DOING.  My Cupcake (formerly known here as Baby) is going to hate this about me, too.  Similar to my drawing, my hairdos look like I grabbed the brush with my foot, closed my eyes, and then turned a few somersaults.

Not that bad, right?  I mean, the barrette isn't holding the hair away from her eyes, but...

  

then you see the back.  Uneven pigtails...

plus an uneven part and weird comb-over.  Poor kid.

Don't try to make me feel better about how badly I do her hair.  She sits still and patiently waits while I struggle.  It's definitely me that is the problem.  I don't think I've used a curling iron since I was 12, I use a blow dryer maybe once a year, and a flat iron seasonally.  Each time, I miss huge sections of hair, there are strays sticking out everywhere, and I usually burn myself.  You know those women who wear their hair in a sleek on top, perfectly curled ponytail right in the center of the back of their head?  Yeah, you guessed it.  I stare at them, too, jealous and amazed at their achievement.

So, there you have 10 things I hate about me, and now it is time to reveal my kind-spirited plan. I think you should tell 10 things you love about someone else.  It's like the spirit of Thanksgiving and the spirit of Christmas and the spirit of Sharing Everything on Social Networks all combined.  Be it here, or on your own blog, or wherever you please, just go on and say nice things about someone else.  Kindness is always in style, unlike my hairdo.

Have you ever caught someone staring at you and not known why?

Was it me?

  

I've Got Something To Say

October, as everyone in the free world knows, is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  My mom is a breast cancer survivor, and I am grateful every single day for the treatment she received, for the diagnostic technology which allowed for fairly early discovery, and for the pharmaceuticals which have helped to keep her cancer-free for nearly 8 years.  I don't think it's possible to receive a diagnosis as frightening as cancer and not have your life changed.  I know that my entire family thinks differently about breast cancer, now, and will never again look at a pink ribbon without feeling so blessed that my mom beat the disease which takes so many.  

But that's not what I wanted to say.

I love football.  Specifically, American, NFL football (not that silly old kind you play with your actual foot on the ball).  Each year, for the past several, the NFL has "gone pink" all through October for breast cancer awareness.  I have several problems with this.

1. When will we stop paying so much money for pink merchandise, that we could be spending on donations that can help people?  In case you don't watch NFL games, let me share. 53 players on each team.  Dozens of coaches.  Cheerleaders.  Owners.  Refs.  Guys on the sidelines throwing beads and noisemakers into the stands.  All of those people have different, pink accented outfits to wear in October.  Pink socks. Pink cleats.  Pink paint on the field.  Pink gloves.  Pink pom-poms.  Pink pocket squares.  Supposedly, the pink gear is auctioned off at the end of the campaign, with the proceeds donated to the American Cancer Society, but according to this article that had me nodding in agreement all the way through, the NFL declines to say what percentage of those funds are actually donated.  Plus, even if 100% of the profits are donated, it still cost money to produce those items.  LOTS of money- and that money could be used for such better purposes!
2. Is awareness really what we need?  I think we're all aware of breast cancer, the risk factors, and the ways to diagnose (monthly self-exam, mammograms as recommended by your doctor).  Who doesn't know that?  Is it the average NFL fan?  No.  If I had my druthers, the funds raised by the many campaigns would go toward: a.) Mammograms and treatment for women without health insurance or who couldn't otherwise afford them and b.) Prevention research.   There are plenty of other problems that we need to be aware of.  Sex trafficking.  GMOs.  The Buccaneer's inability to win games, even when they're handed the W on a silver platter.

   

   I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk about this image, yet, but you can ask if you need an explanation. I'll do my best to overcome my anger and frustration.

3. Men can get breast cancer, too.  It's rare, and it's easier for men to detect a problem because men typically have less breast tissue than women.  See the statistics, risk factors, and treatment options here.  But, breast cancer awareness campaigns, like the NFL's, and many others, make it seem like it's just a girl thing.  I <3 boobies!  Put on your pink bra!  Save the tatas!  The fact is, breast cancer is much less discriminatory than the NFL.  There, I said it.

Here's my advice, NFL:  How 'bout you DON'T use a widespread disease that kills thousands of women each year to boost your ratings with a demographic that you want on your side. DON'T profit off of the fear and suffering of so many people.  How 'bout, instead, you raise awareness about the diseases that kill men, since they're actually listening to you from September-Superbowl Sunday.  Or, don't buy thousands of pink towels for sweaty guys to hang over their rear ends, and instead, spend more money on treating the health issues that so many of your former players face.  If nothing else, could you at least make it believable that this campaign of yours is doing some good?  Please?

If you could choose, what disease/problem would everyone be made aware of?

The Intelligence "Quonundrum"

EXASPERATED SIGH

No, I take that back.  It isn't fair to you.  My exasperation has nothing to do with you.  It's just, I've been writing a post about 6 y.o. for weeks, and I can't seem to say what I want to say.  I've written lots of words, of course, but I can't seem to get my point across.  So, let me try again, this time using the K.I.S.S.(keep it simple, stupid) method that so many of my college professors were fond of pretending they invented.

Be still, my heart <3

A recent letter, conference with the principal, classroom change, conference with the new teacher, and lots of research have combined to bring up a lot of questions in my mind about intelligence, achievement, being gifted, and parenting.

Pride = Prejudice? I worry that showing too much pride in my children will lead to prejudice from their peers and teachers.  If I tell anyone who will listen about all the words Baby can say or about all the ways 6 y.o. impresses me with his knowledge, do those listening immediately feel defensive?  Like most parents I actually know (not those tv parents), I don't compare my kids to others.  However, I always think that they think I'm bragging, like, "Lookit what my kid does!  Does yours do that?  No?  HA!  I win!"  If that were the attitude behind my words, I think some prejudice would be justified.  It was this fear, of eye-rolling behind our backs and alienation of our son, that kept Husband and me quiet(ish) last year, when he was in Kindergarten.  I think we both felt that it was more important to go with the flow, to let the teacher lead, than to make a fuss about how bored he was, and how little he seemed to be learning in school.

Gifted?  I'm growing increasingly annoyed by the label 'gifted.'  Everyone is gifted.  Some are emotionally gifted, some are athletically gifted, some are artistically gifted, some are gifted at making friends, some are gastronomically gifted, and can eat anything.  The belief, which can be confirmed with an IQ test, that 6 y.o. has greater intelligence than some, does not change who he is, how he has been raised, or what he can eventually achieve.  We've taught our son that name-calling is wrong and can be hurtful.  Similarly, I feel that labels, even those intended to be positive, can be harmful in the long term.

Red oval marks the spot of my educated guess of his IQ.

When a new teacher meets him, I don't want them thinking, "Oh, here's the gifted 6 y.o."  I want them to think, "Here's a unique 6 y.o."  Is it so much to wish for his teachers to get to know him and to recognize and adapt their teaching to the ways he is "gifted?"  His current school doesn't have a gifted program.  Testing is done after 1st grade, so if he qualifies and we decide to enroll him in the gifted program next year, he would have to leave his friends and all that is familiar to go to a new school.  Is that fair?  Conversely, is it fair to make him sit in a classroom where he is repeatedly "taught" things that he already knows, just because he's sitting with people he knows?

Parenting 101: Husband and I both love reading.  We read to both of our kids, and have since before they were even born.  We talk to them.  We answer even the really hard questions that 6 y.o. poses to us.  They're smart kids, and we have always parented under the assumption that smart was a good thing.  We bought puzzles instead of video games (until quite recently), we play games instead of watching television (at least some times!).  When our son started preschool at age 3, we were thrilled that he already knew his colors and letters and how to count, which were the requirements for the end of the year.  Each year since, we've been less and less thrilled with what our child knows in relation to the standard expectations and in relation to his peers.  I feel ridiculous, even admitting that.  We should only be proud!  He knows the things he has been taught, so why do we now feel even the slightest twinge of regret at having taught him?  It's because we don't want him to be an outcast.  We don't want him to hide his intelligence in favor of seeming "normal."

Butterfly on his knee, on release to the wild day.  Oh, and those are Clone Wars Captain's bars (homemade, of course) on his shoulders.

I've started to worry that preparing Baby for school, teaching her colors and letters and numbers, is not as good a technique as is keeping her on the same level as other kids her age.  Should she have been watching inane television shows a long time ago?  Which is more important, early in life?  A sense of belonging, or academic achievement?  6 y.o. isn't lacking friends, and I do think he feels like he fits in with his peers.  But how long can that last, I wonder.  How long before he withdraws into his own head because his thoughts are more interesting than the chatter of the kids around him?

My fears ---> his fears? When I was in 8th grade, our class had a spelling bee.  I lost on purpose.  My teacher knew I had thrown the game, and made me compete against the rest of the school.  I won.  I went on to a larger competition (districts, maybe?) and came in 2nd, meaning I was one of 2 people who moved on.  The next step was a regional bee, wherein I came in 8th place.  I went out on the word 'tirade,' by the bye.  I refused to study the list of words I was given to prepare for the district and regional competitions.  I didn't want to win.  The point of that story is this: will my fear of achievement transfer to my children?  Would all of these academic worries and talk of gifted-ness be irrelevant if not for my own concerns about feeling braggy and making sure my kids are comfortable with who they are?

The truth of the matter is that Husband and I think we have the best son on the planet.  He's brave.  He's funny.  He's adventurous and oh-so-handsome.  He's smart.  He has traits that make me think he's going to out-think me by the time he has out-grown me.  His memory is remarkable, his problem solving skills are very advanced, he's artistic and thoughtful, introspective and curious.  He loves being challenged, and he loves puzzles.  He reads, and comprehends, as if he's been doing it for years (plural) rather than year (singular).  He's also short-tempered, complains of a headache when the coffee table is turned backward, and would rather not participate than not be first.  The truth is that YOU also have the best kid on the planet.  The best one for you and the best one for us are different, but by design, I believe.

Does any parent know the best way to parent?  No.  We need to teach when we can, take what comes, solve the problems we are able to, and make sure our kids know that they are the best on the planet.

Have you ever thrown a game in favor of your opponents?

Honest Tricks

You may be wondering, "What's the deallio with all the non-running-related blog posts, lady?  Have you not been running?  Have you no more races to recap in painful detail?"  Well, I'll tell you.  I'm totally well-rounded, for one thing.  I'm not just a runner.  I even did, like, a whole workout thing the other day that didn't involve any cardio at all.  I have been running, though, and I can prove it!  See that counter thingy over there? ----------->  That number goes up almost every day.  Hah!  No way anyone could fake that!  I'm not exactly training for anything specific, at this moment, but I am trying to build up my base mileage to at least 20 miles/week.  Finally, yes, I do have more races to recap, but I figured it might be time for a little break from those for now.  Don't fret.  I won't leave you hanging!

Have you ever had a toddler meticulously, carefully pick up pieces of the food that you lovingly, painstakingly, and thoughtfully prepared and throw them across the room?  Have you ever had a child take one bite of chicken prepared according to a new recipe and promptly spit it out, gag, nearly vomit, and run to the bathroom to wash the taste out of his mouth?  Has your spouse ever smiled his/her way through a bite or two of dinner, and then quietly made a bologna sandwich in the kitchen, scarfing it down quickly so as not to cause a ruckus?  If you answered "yes" to those questions, then you're either writing this post, or should definitely be reading it.

I was going for "healthy-looking".  Did I succeed?
Also, this may have been our Christmas card photo.  Is it bad that I can't remember?
Also, credit where due: Denise Marie Photography <3

It's really important to me that my family and I eat a healthy diet.  However, I know I'm far less concerned about what we eat than are many others, and I rarely deprive myself of anything that I really want to eat.  We eat sugar and butter and gluten and meat, salt and fries and lots of chips.  Intolerance to some foods combined with dislike of others makes meal planning and healthy eating rather difficult in our house, though.  Therefore, I decided to share my not-at-all dirty tricks for filling the bellies of my new-to-food eater, my bombarded-with-junk-food eater, and my "I know what I like and it isn't that" eater.

New To Food:

• Rethink time-of-day-specific foods.  It's okay to serve vegetables at breakfast.  It's okay to serve cereal at dinner.  At the end of the day, if the right balance of carbs, protein, vegetables and fruits has been reached, it is my firm belief that the "when" doesn't matter one bit. 
• Don't watch the clock.  Although Baby had me on a strict nursing schedule for the first many months of her life, now that she's eating real food, she seems to be hungry at different times each day.  Also, there are some days that she'll spend an hour in her chair, slowly picking at her food.  Inconvenient, yes.  But at least I know she's eating!
• Read labels, but not like they're the Bible.  Sugar not being the first or second ingredient is important.  Organic, not so much according to this article and our pediatrician.  So, while feeding my baby organic foods isn't super high on my list of parenting concerns, I will say that it's actually not that easy to find dairy-free foods for her that are cheap and NOT organic.  Dairy-free is the most important part, for us, as her tummy cannot handle even a small amount.
• Variety may be the spice of life, but eating the same dozen or so things every day never killed a baby.  (Did it?)  Many people have a "sweet tooth".  Baby has a "cracker tooth".  She has learned to say "please", and she knows where the crackers are even if they're hidden.  If I had a dollar for every time she has pointed at them with one hand, rubbed her chest with the other (sign language for "please") and said, "Pba?  Pba?  Pba?" I think I would have at least $10k.  I try to hold her to one cracker snack each day, and I often spread them with avocado, hummus, or peanut butter to force some protein into her tiny body.  I do give her new and different things at least once a day, but she makes it quite clear whether or not she likes them.  
• Be patient, be calm, and be creative.  Easier said than done.  I know someone who, when her son was Baby's age, had been trying forEVER to get him to eat some cereal.  She had been cajoling and singing and trying many different ways to get him to open his mouth and eat, and he responded by spitting out the bite she finally managed to get past his gritted teeth.  She turned the bowl upside down on his head and walked away.  He didn't mind a bit.  Time after time, Baby frustrates me and makes me want to pick up the bits of food and throw them back at her.                

She does have eyes that open.  Just not for pictures, most days.

So far, I've been able to walk away without dumping food on her head, and try a different tactic after taking a break for a few minutes.  I remind myself that it really isn't a personal attack, her hitting my hands away from her mouth as hard as she is able.  I remind myself that we taught her to tell us "All done" (or, Ah aah duh uh un) when she's finished.  No, we didn't expect that she would say it before we gave her any food, while trying to break free of her restraints.  I know, when I think it through, that she doesn't understand "you have to eat something other than crackers".  It's up to the grown-ups to be patient, and to think up different ways to make mealtimes more successful.

Bombarded with junk:

• Be reasonable.  I think it's crazy to try to restrict a child from ever eating junk food.  6 y.o. tells me there is a kid in his class who isn't allowed to have any sweets, ever.  And, well, that kid just happens to be the biggest one in the class.  Either the "no sweets" rule in his house is a new one, and therefore really difficult to adapt to, or it has never been enforced.  As we all know, un-enforced rules are stupid.  Also, that kid sneaks sweets at school all the time, at least according to my nosy observant son.  6 y.o. is usually allowed 1 small treat per day, but that isn't even a given.  After every holiday, we end up with piles and piles of candy, and it always lasts us until the next holiday, at which point we throw out the old stuff and replenish.  Right now, his Easter bunny is only missing its ears.  The fact is that school-aged kids are totally bombarded with sugary, unhealthy, unnatural foods.  To try restricting them from all of it would be like trying to paddle a raft away from Niagara Falls.  Realistically, futile.  Instead of banning it all, allow specific treats in moderate amounts.

Breathtaking beauty, breathtaking amount of candy in our house.

• Try it!  There's nothing quite so infuriating as someone insisting they don't like a food item they've never tasted.  6 y.o. is required to try everything I prepare for him, except barbecue sauced things.  He really hates barbecue, and I really hate hearing gagging sounds at the dinner table.  Even if he's tried something before, especially if it's a vegetable (we're more lenient about him trying jelly belly flavors), we insist that he try it again.  I've read somewhere that it can take up to a dozen times of experiencing a new taste for someone to become accustomed to it.  If the taste of bell peppers gives him goosebumps again, he doesn't have to eat them.

This particular nephew of mine is not fond of trying new foods.  Obviously, though, he's much more cute than infuriating.

• Don't start habits you'll want to break.  I cannot, for the life of me, understand why parents give their small children sodas, caffeine, kool aid, etc., but they do.  I worked in restaurants for years, and wished time and again that I could report to someone about the toddlers I saw being given Coke and sweetened tea.  6 y.o. wasn't allowed to taste soda until he was 4.  He still isn't allowed to have kool aid or caffeine.  I tell him that kool aid is poison, so he can never have that, and caffeine can wait until he's 17 and needs it to stay up studying for the SAT.  I can't think of a single reasonable explanation for why a parent would start giving their child items with absolutely no nutritional value on a regular basis.  If you're a parent who does so, you are by no means obligated to justify your actions to me, but I kinda wish you would; I would like to understand if there is a good reason.
• Oh, and DO start habits you'll want to continue.  After school the other day, 6 y.o. said, "Mom, can you please only give me 100% juice in my lunch?  'Cause I tasted some today that someone else had and it was not 100% juice and I did not like it one bit.  Why would they say it's juice if it's not all juice?  Are they liars or something?"  I realize that even 100% juice is not the most nutritious thing for my child to be drinking, but I feel way better about it than the liar-juice, that's for sure.  He knows that fresh vegetables and fruits are a big part of his daily diet, and he drinks water without complaint.  He knows when mealtimes are, and what is an appropriate portion size for snacks.  
• Include and involve.  It's a fact that children are more likely to eat food that they helped cook.  Please don't ask me for a reference, just take my word for it.  I invite 6 y.o. to help me in the kitchen fairly often, and he gets so excited about watching and aiding me.  Plus, when he's involved in the decisions about what to buy and what to have for each meal, he complains a whole lot less than when I act like Momdel Castro.

"I know what I like and it isn't that."

• Play fair.  I really dislike being tricked.  I assume that others dislike it also, and since I love my husband madly, I don't try to trick him into eating foods he has told me his doesn't care for.  When I dice up mushrooms so finely that he can't taste them in the meatballs or puree extra vegetables and add them to my tomato sauce, I tell him that they're there.  He's okay with it.  When I switched from ground beef to turkey for our burgers and several other dishes, I didn't try to fool him into thinking it was the same.
• Keep your eyes on the prize.  Really, it's not a big deal if he dips his healthy, fresh herb filled and flavor chocked main course in ketchup.  He's still eating a nutritious meal, with the family.  There isn't much better than that.
• You are NOT what you eat.  Nor are you what you serve.  If Husband doesn't like something I prepare, it doesn't mean he doesn't like me, or that he doesn't appreciate my efforts.  (Do you think that's a record number of "doesn'ts" in a sentence?)  Realizing this, and remembering it when I'm disappointed in the reaction I've received to a new dish, has made me able to take criticism constructively, rather than feeling judged or hurt, or like I just got Chopped.
• Pay attention to portioning.  This may be the easiest way to reduce the intake of calories.  Have you noticed that many recipes call for a pound of meat?  I don't know if it's like this everywhere, but at my grocery store, it is rare to find a package of meat that is 1 pound.  I'm sure it helps their bottom line to add more meat to the package, since they charge by weight, but they will sell you the exact amount you want if you ask.  Ok, so, I've never actually asked.  I'm too shy, and I hate accepting help from the very helpful people who offer in stores.  It's ridiculous, and there's no good reason for it.  But I've seen other people ask for specific amounts of meat, and the kind, helpful people always quickly oblige.  What I actually do is this: buy extra, and re-portion it myself.  
• Remember the good.  After way too much time spent desperately trying to figure out how to duplicate a dinner that we all enjoyed, I now write down my recipes and notes.  Sometimes, I even take pictures!  This is also helpful when Husband asks, "What is that?"  My first response is usually, "You like it."

Newest family favorite: Imperial Walkers (6 y.o. named them during his Star Wars obsession phase)

If you stuck around and read this whole post, thank you!  If you looked at the food pyramid on the side of your cereal box instead, and learned the value of vegetables, fruits and whole grains from that, I understand. I have a leeetle bit more to say on the subject of feeding my family than you may have expected (or cared about.)

 Would you like to offer me any feedback?  Ha!  Get it?  Feed?

If Ever I Wished For Eye Bleach...

And now, a rare treat for your reading pleasure(?).  I hereby introduce my very own I Hate Popular Culture rant.  Enjoy(?)!

Let me start by admitting my own guilt, so that I can hate on everyone else without feeling too bad.  Our television is on for hours each day.  Most of the time, it's either tuned to a kiddie show for 6 y.o., or ESPN for Husband.  After the kids go to bed, Husband and I watch our shows, and they are, with a few exceptions, strictly for entertainment.  We don't watch many documentaries, or a lot of news shows, but we don't watch many reality shows, either.  We do tend to stick to shows that are, at the very least, thought and discussion provoking, rather than those that only leave us asking ourselves if so-and-so should have been voted off.  Many years ago, I did cast votes for the winner of Dancing With the Stars.

It was like his dancing shoes were filled with magical rainbows and shooting stars.  

Though I haven't kept up with watching every season of the show, it has been a guilty pleasure of mine for long enough to be able to tell a Tango from an Argentine Tango, and to notice when someone is too flat-footed in their Jive.  I've also watched many seasons of Top Chef, and, many episodes of Cupcake Wars, Chopped, and Iron Chef America.  I've watched many an annoying couple choose a house (that invariably has an open floor plan, finished basement, updated kitchen, plenty of room for their 2 yappy dogs to run around, hardwood floors, and is a little bit out of their price range), and I've watched even more annoying couples choose a house to fix up and then complain their way through the renovations, until ultimately bursting into tears when, surprise!, the professional contractor does a good job on the remodel and their house looks great.  I've watched small children's talented performances being picked apart by Howie, Howard, and Sharon.  It has been many, many years, but I must also admit that I did, at one (low) point, watch America's Next Top Model and The Bad Girls Club.  I can't even explain the appeal of those shows after having watched them.  They're just simply awful.  I cannot apologize for watching Hoarders, though, because I really, really like that show.  It makes me feel so healthy and normal!

I have never seen a Real Housewives episode- not even one.  I've never watched a single episode of Jersey Shore, Dance Moms, Toddlers and Tiaras, or anything with Redneck, Keeping Up With, or Honey Boo-Boo in the title.  I do have the gist of the horror of all of those shows, though, from watching Joel McHale poke fun at them on The Soup.

It was during an episode we watched last night that I, once again, found myself thoroughly disgusted by people as a group, and American television watchers specifically.  I will not share a video clip or link or picture here, because, as I found out the hard way, google doesn't understand that you might be searching for something just to make fun of it.  I really don't want to start seeing ads for any of the shows about the family whose last name starts with 'K' and rhymes with 'sickeninglystupidlargebottomednarcissisticthoroughlydisgustingandnotevengoodlookingshian'.  The video clip was from the actual show that follows these idiots, which actually aired on television, which people actually watched, and during which a lot of money was made.  Two of the Kbarfian sisters were talking about the smell of their respective private parts, and they then made a bet as to whose smelled better.  In order to settle the bet, they each wiped their lady part on a linen napkin and then had their third sister smell both napkins and vote for which one smelled the best.  As disgusting as the conversation, bet, and settlement of the matter were, I am not really upset about the occurrence of these events.  I am upset that the Kmorallybankruptian family makes approximately $65 million a year, and this is their job.  I am upset that 4 million Americans, on average, tune in to watch as they whine, shop, eat, drink, fight, yell, wipe and smell their way through life.

I'll let you decide whether I googled "K.K.'s vagina" or "disgusting skin diseases" to find this image.

During the hour their show is broadcast, there are approximately 4 gun deaths in the United States.  While millions watch the Kputridshians wipe and smell the private parts of their siblings, over 1,000 people in the world die of starvation.  30 children die of AIDS during that hour.  According to statistics, 1 person from the U.S. Military would have committed suicide while the wipe/smell/share thing was happening.  I know, I know.  It isn't the fault of the Ktrashians that so many people around the world are dying.  It isn't their fault that Haitian children have no shoes.  It isn't their fault that there are millions of homeless, jobless, ill and destitute people in this country.  If television executives are going to offer them gobs of money to be followed around by cameras and to say and do certain things, can we blame them for taking the money?  I guess not.  I mean, if someone wanted to pay me a 7-figure salary to say gross things and sit around on my generous behind all day, I can't say that I would turn it down.  And, according to the omniscient goog, they give a lot of money to charity each year.  So, much as it pains me to say so, my problem is not exactly with the Kspoiledbratshians.  My problem is with us.  We complain endlessly about the quality of the shows on television.  We know that the Kblahshian family should not be role models, and should not be admired, as they do not contribute anything of value to our culture.  We shake our heads and all agree that influential celebrities should have earned their voice, not by having a sex video on the internet, but by saying and doing things that are worthwhile.  All of that is true, yet I can't go a single day without seeing the K#@$%^&ian name in headlines.

Let's stop this.  Let's agree to make our ignorance purposeful, and ignore the people and things we all know we should hate, while paying attention to things that are important.  Child poverty, gun violence, mental illness, suicide, AIDS, world hunger--but it isn't just terrible, tragic things that need our attention.  Our kids need to be played with.  Sunshine needs to warm our skin.  Backyards need exploring.  Friends need a phone call, a laugh, to know they're being thought of.  Cookies need to be baked.  Running shoes need to hit the pavement.  Old ladies need doors held open for them.  Smiles need to be shared with strangers.  Closets need to be cleaned out.  Books need to be read.  Gardens need to be planted.  Spouses need a good, long kiss on the lips.  Letters need to be written.  Local government officials need to hear ideas and opinions from community members.  Volunteers are needed.  Laundry needs to be folded.  Floors need to be vacuumed.  Okay, now I'm just sharing my to-do list, but you get the idea, right?  If we all stop watching the garbage that's on television, they'll have to stop showing it.  For real!  It's going to take all of us, though.  Eventually, maybe the maid who had to launder the smelly linen napkins for the entitled, shallow, selfish individuals for whom she works will have to be fired because they can't afford to pay her anymore.  Maybe they'll have to drive themselves around and downsize to a closet that is the size of a bedroom instead of a whole house.  Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a country whose people admired accomplishment and intellect over shocking scandal and manufactured beauty?  Can you imagine if the faces on the tabloids and magazines were actual heroes and villains of our time?  What if our teenagers knew world history instead of the dating history of models and sports stars?  My goodness, my heart is pounding as I think about all the possibilities!  I'm going to do it.  I'm going to set my mind on things that matter, and set my DVR to record shows that are not going to turn my brain to mush.  You should, too.

Have you ever seen anything worse on television than what I described?

Are you with me in my purposeful ignorance scheme?